Bathroom Cheesecake

Recently, my husband bought one of those boxed, “No Bake Cheesecake” mixes from the grocery store. If you’ve never heard of such a thing, allow me to explain: all one has to do is beat fresh milk into pre-measured dry ingredients and cheesecake filling is magically created. It’s just that simple. The resulting cheese goo … Continue reading

Word Of The Day: Fun Dip

Fun Dip |fən dip| noun • A powdery, sugary confection developed by Willy Wonka Satan himself, manufactured somewhere in the bowls bowels of Hell. Street names include Hell Sprinkles, Sinister Sand, Maleficarum’s Magically Multiplying Mess and Devil Dust. Has a 100% likelihood of spillage, with only a 30% probability of completely successful cleanup afterward. • … Continue reading

The Parent Trap Organization

I’m the former president of the Parent Teacher Organization at my children’s school. Mercifully, my term ended at the start of this school year, but only because I am on the executive board in another position for the next year and a half. In other words, I am batshit insane. My mental illness aside, I’m … Continue reading

Letter To Monkey-Butt

Author’s note: I wrote the following piece based on the essay theme, “Letters To Children As They Leave The Nest.” My oldest is several years away from exploring the world on her own but time moves so quickly that her adulthood will be here before I know it. It’s been quietly sneaking up on me … Continue reading

The Importance of Labels

I have a plastic box with an airtight lid and it’s full of all sorts of baby memorabilia I’ve held on to for over twelve years now. It contains two babies’ worth of well-protected treasures: first haircut clippings, going-home outfits, ultrasound photos, belly button stumps (don’t judge me), hospital-issued newborn hats and long sleeved tee … Continue reading